Because he'd have to pay them and all his friends do this for freeTony Schiavone wrote: ↑Sun Dec 17, 2017 2:29 amHoly moley. Just skipping through two minutes of this movie dials the cringe to 11.
Serious question: if Brad can't write and direct, and all his actors are terrible, why doesn't he at least try to hire some attractive women? Instead of all these fat ugly broads, he could at least hire some hookers. You could argue it would make a much better trash movie than this community college film fail.
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All right, guess it's time for Drisko's summary. My wife's friends are over to bitch about their manager so I can use this as an excuse to say I'm working in case any of them come into the study. Let's do this.
4:00 - I skipped the trailer. Apparently this is set in the modern day but all the 70s shit stayed relevant. Okay. So the three leading ladies are at the park, hanging out and the little sister, played by Laura, is trying to teach them to dance so they can get men, even though Bianca's married and Sarah's been with Lewis for a year.
6:30 - Two years later, Laura's at the empty disco and runs into Brad, so they fuck while doing coke for about thirty seconds before he loses his hard on, so she walks out unsatisfied and disappointed. Real life probably wrote the plot.
8:00 - Credits now. Sarah gets top billing, Bianca second and Laura third. Also, she kept her maiden name.
9:00 - Lewis and Sarah are in the car together, arguing over how expensive the restaurant they just went to was. Not sure if they're in a taxi, pretty sure they're in the back seat but the lighting is on par with a Midnight Screening. Anyway, even though it's pitch black outside, Sarah decides it's still light out and Andrew, I presume their kid, is with his grandmother so they should go to a Disco. He blows her off because he's full so they go home. Pretty sure this was meant to be Dave but Lewis fits the asshole husband believably well. I can totally see this conversation happening with Lewis in real life.
10:30 - At Lewis and Sarah's place, she's pissed because they have a night off from the kid and he just wants to sit at home watching TV. He's pissed because she only ate a salad at the restaurant. Laura rings and says she's having a bad night and needs company. Fucking Brad will do that to you. All of a sudden, Sarah decides it's now late instead of early. Consistency. But Laura's coming down from her high and begs Sarah to come and bring Bianca with her. But will Bianca come after an unnamed incident? Yeah, probably.
13:00 - After nagging Lewis again, Sarah goes off alone to Bianca's. More sisterly guilt tripping, I was kind of phasing it out at this point. Bianca mentions the unnamed incident again and wants Laura to suffer, but then Sarah finds out Bianca never goes out because she's too busy eating two cakes together. More bitching about Lewis, then they get in the car to go out and bitch about Lewis some more for ordering a steak.
17:20 - We're finally at the fucking disco. Brad tries to make it look packed with a montage but it's so clearly empty. Bianca and Sarah do some shots and then some more shots, because Bianca can't be fucked looking for her sister. Why am I supposed to like this person?
19:15 - I think this is supposed to be a flashback of the sisters together again and they're dancing at Bianca's place. Just noticed a Christmas tree, so it must be. Back to the present, Bianca sees Laura dancing with Doge and Laura sees her so she comes over while Sarah does more shots. Turns out the whole panic phone call thing was a ruse to get the girls to come out. More mentioning the incident and Brad comes over to act like drunk pervy asshole. He actually stutters through a line at one point but used the take anyway, and then Bianca walks off.
Holy shit we are a quarter of the way through this thing and nothing has happened.
23:00 Sarah and Bianca sit down to talk about how they don't like Brad and think Lana's taste in men is shit, and Sarah decides to see for herself what Brad's like so she approaches them at the bar. Holy shit the lighting is terrible. It's so dark I can barely see them. After a minute and a half the scene cuts to outside, only light by street lights, and it looks way better than a controlled environment. Also, Brad's a drug dealer. Because of course he is.
25:45 - Lewis is at home, doing nothing. There's about twenty seconds of him sitting in a chair doing nothing until he gets up. Rivetting. Then it's back to the disco, with Sarah, Bianca, Laura and Brad sitting around awkwardly. Doge comes over and it turns out he's Laura's dance partner for the competition tonight and Sarah calls out the cliche, except I think it's supposed to be a 'look how self-aware I am' joke. Also, the prize is free alcohol. Bianca gets sick of this and walks off to go hang out with Doge, who admits that everyone there sucks at dancing but because they're so drunk during the contest it doesn't matter. and then more Lewis at home. He starts dancing awkwardly.
30:00 - Holy shit we're only half an hour in. Bianca and Doge are talking, Doge's got the puppy love for her, Bianca once again hints at the incident. No, they never call it that in the movie, I just need to call it something. Bianca leaves and Doge is so nervous about talking to her again he starts dancing. Laura teases Bianca about Doge, then mentions she and Sarah should enter the dance contest, before they realise they left Sarah alone with Doge and dash off to save her, but Sarah's just dancing with a dopey grin.
32:20 - Fard is in this, as the DJ. He notices Brad and abandons his booth, so Brad runs with Fard on the chase. Turns out Brad owes Fard some cash and for some reason thought it would be a good idea to come to his club without the cash. Fard points out Brad's a lazy fuck who nobody likes and demands his money before walking off, and then Lewis walks in. He stands around, and then Doge comes over to act weird. Lewis tells the story of how he and Sarah met, at a dive bar. He used to hit on every chick he saw, Sarah was the only one who said yes. And then Lewis leaves to talk to Sarah.
35:45 - Stock footage that looks way better than anything in this movie and then the Sex Cannon herself, Allison, is doing her make up in a dressing room, which the film helpfully tells us is upstairs. Dave and Brian are there watching her. The phone rings and it's Fard. We find out she and Fard are on their honeymoon and she's pissed they're at his work. They mention Brad's a problem and Allison decides they should kill him. Fard says to wait because Brad's due to pay tonight, but if he doesn't, Fard has another plan to get their money back. I'm assuming porn but we'll see where this goes.
36:40 - Lewis meets up with Sarah, tries to be funny, fails, and then Laura comes in to make him regret coming out. They all argue about being out vs staying in, then Sarah gets sick of this and drags Lewis to the bar. Bianca leaves, so Laura follows her and they argue. Laura mentions Doge, which is the perfect time to cut to Doge failing at hitting on some chick. The incident is brought up again and then dropped by Bianca leaving because her feelings aren't being respected and she gets more shots. Laura tries to talk it out but Bianca's more interested in cutting her out completely.
40:30 - We finally learn what the incident was: "Because you fucked my husband." And then Doge walks over to relieve the tension by hitting on Bianca, which she points out was the worst timing. Doge leaves so Laura and Bianca can do more soap opera shit. They explain away the age gap between Laura and the others by making her the baby who was always treated with kid gloves. And then Bianca reveals the reason she's a shut in is because she felt so betrayed by Laura fucking her husband that she cannot trust the rest of the world. Nope, not kidding.
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Okay, I'm stopping here because I need a break and also someone knocked over the Christmas tree.
The music is pretty random, I don't recognise most of it, not really a disco guy, but I did notice Madonna in there, who is 80s. I think he just put in a bunch of songs he likes. Also, holy shit is this slow. Nothing is happening. It's halfway done and I feel like nothing had happened. Also, their alcohol tolerance must be pretty strong because they've had a lot to drink. Not sure how much time is supposed to have passed since they arrived but it looks like the story is being told in real time, or maybe Brad's just a shitty editor. Think I just answered my own question.
But I shall persevere, because I am obligated to finish this out of honour. Also, to avoid a bunch of thirty-year-old women getting drunk while bitching and moaning about how they're divorced or never got married while their only stable friend tries to keep them from throwing up on our carpet. At least with this I can hit the fucking pause button.