Pat the NES Cunt

[rabidtictac]

It's a "remake" in only the loosest sense.

Shit gameplay
Hallway design that makes FF13 look good
Scripted to fuck with no interactions outside of those on the main rollercoaster experience
Bunch of new, shitty characters introduced to pad the length of Midgard into a full gayme
Square plans to sell you two more exactly like this, with the same reused assets from this game/FF15
Entire game seems like an FF15 conversion mod

Square being square. They haven't made a good game since when? At least the ps2 era, I wanna say. At least, no good main franchise games since then, if not earlier.

[Guest]

FF9 is a greatest hits album of the entire franchise up to that point, and the protagonist isn't a emo faggot, so that helps immensely. The idea of souls recycling and another planet trying to usurp yours so their people can live is kinda neat as a plot device. I liked the item crafting, jobs, and combat. The airships all looked really fucking cool.

Kuja was gay looking as fuck and an emo faggot which just made killing him all the more enticing. Same deal with """"Queen"""" Branhe, the tranny. FF9 is based, whereas FF7 with its disgusting cross dressing and gay sex scene is an abomination that festered generations of unchecked autism and degeneracy.

I see a man of taste. FF7 is fucking garbage. At least FF6 had real magic and real magical people, not a bunch of stupid shizo earth whisperers and a big company mass producing magical stones.

SpoilerShow

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Shit like this is why I stopped clamouring for remakes and remasters of games. I knew War Craft 3 would be shit for instance. I've saved hundreds of dollars in the last decade that I would've been insane to spend on this.

Best-case scenario for a remake is usually "Cool, know I can run this in widescreen without mods". Though most of the time you end up with something whose spiced-up graphics and/or new engine cause the game to run worse than it did before.

[Keith Chegwin]

Square being square. They haven't made a good game since when? At least the ps2 era, I wanna say. At least, no good main franchise games since then, if not earlier.

Square Enix have never made a good game

[Guest]

I'm really wondering whether Enix benefited more from this merger with Square than Square themselves.

[Dehbashi]

To be fair wasn't Square having financial issues so technically Enix bought them?

[VoiceOfReasonPast]

Yep. They basically committed seppuku thanks to The Spirits Within. That weird-ass animu that only had slightly more to do with Final Fantasy probably also didn't do too well.

[rabidtictac]

The funny thing is Enix made some okay games prior to joining with square.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enix

Valkyrie Profile and Star Ocean 1-2 were excellent. It's like two good companies combined to become one shitty one. Imagine Vegeta and Goku fusing to become Mr. Satan.

[Keith Chegwin]

I'm really wondering whether Enix benefited more from this merger with Square than Square themselves.

Of course they did. The Deutsche Bank guy (Japanese guy) overseeing the merger said it didn't make much sense to him because Enix outsourced most of its game development and made very little in-house whereas Square did everything by themselves. Enix also didn't have much success in the overseas market whereas Square's FFVII was an international smash success

To be fair wasn't Square having financial issues

They were both having financial issues. Spirits Within fucked Square and Dragon Quest VII being delayed fucked Enix

so technically Enix bought them?

There's no 'technically' about it. Enix is the surviving company. Square traded every share of their company for 0.85 shares of Enix and Enix assumed the responsibility for the merger.

It's like two good companies combined to become one shitty one. Imagine Vegeta and Goku fusing to become Mr. Satan.

The thing is, post merger Square Enix was still 80% Square people. There's no logical reason why they should be so shit, except that the immense failure of Spirits Within meant that Sakaguchi, the architect of Final Fantasy, had to step down. Just goes to show how much of these companies are really built on one guy

[Guest]

Shit like this is why I stopped clamouring for remakes and remasters of games. I knew War Craft 3 would be shit for instance. I've saved hundreds of dollars in the last decade that I would've been insane to spend on this.

You shouldn't be buying games in the first place. You also shouldn't be playing them either but baby steps.

That weird-ass animu that only had slightly more to do with Final Fantasy probably also didn't do too well.

Final Fagtasy Unlimited probably wasn't that expensive to produce. It is a GONZO production after all.
I must admit I like the look of old GONZOshit, bad early 2000s CGI included. FFU's theme song is good and, uh, "Lisa Pacifist" is a quality early 2000s waifu design. I can't tell you jack shit about the show itself, I watched very little of it. I've seen accusations that its more up its own ass than the games.

The funny thing is Enix made some okay games prior to joining with square. Valkyrie Profile and Star Ocean 1-2 were excellent.

It was said already by Keef but I'll say it again. Enix didn't make games. They outsourced everything. Those are tri-ace games. Dragon Quest was made by Chunsoft.