Liar Revealed wrote: ↑Fri Dec 15, 2017 2:39 pm
Have any of you guys seen it yet? I'd seriously trust you guys more than YouTube shills and RT. I trust RLM too, but they take forever to get their reviews out.
Finally saw the whole thing on an online stream (I refuse to pay Disney any shekels). When it finished, all I could say was "Well, that was fucking boring and unremarkable." The only decent things in the film were the somewhat competent soundtrack and a select few engaging action sequences. The whole film's a chase sequence with some side events that eventually fall back to the main chase sequence of the First Order hunting down the remaining ships of the Resistance. And that's all most of the film was; one big chase. Many defenders will argue that Empire did the same thing, but that movie had more motivation and development behind it. It just feels like something integral was missing. Also, there were other major gripes that bogged down the film (some of which have already been discussed):
-Leia flying back to the cruiser was completely stupid no matter how you spin it.
-Admiral Ackbar dies offscreen (kek).
-The humor felt forced and out of place numerous times.
-Rey is still an uber cunt with a literal nobody background (I get what Rian was going for in terms of how anyone can tap into the force, but it doesn't repair the damage caused by TFA with how effortlessly overpowered she is). There were opportunities for her to have a "dark side" twist, but none were taken. She just remains the same self-righteous bitch through to the end who can "do no wrong." And they reaffirmed her Mary Sue quota through Yoda's speech.
-Speaking of Yoda, Frank Oz's performance was indeed phoned in and his puppet looked shittier than his TPM puppet from '99.
-Laura Dern's character is a dumbass tumblrina who got the Resistance into more trouble than they bargained for, and her sacrifice didn't feel earned because we barely knew much about her other than "She was Leia's friend since the Rebellion."
-Speaking of her sacrifice, that scene where she lightspeed jumped through Snoke's ship (while visually cool looking) baffled me. It made me contemplate how a
single cruiser could wipe out so much of the enemy fleet in a single blow. Could the Rebellion have done this with the Empire back then? It seemed so easy, because had they just, I dunno, sacrificed
any empty cruisers to a large fleet, one side could ultimately win within minutes. The Resistance could've done this sooner with any of their escaping cruisers jumping to lightspeed at any point and could've beaten the First Order at any point in time. Both sides were already heavily decimated anyway.
-The entire Casino sequence felt out of place, like it came from a lost episode of Dr. Who or ripped straight from The Fifth Element or Valerian. Wasted too much time.
-Finn and Rose were mostly worthless and their mission was ultimately boring filler. They just wanted an excuse for their diversity quota characters to have a shoehorned romance and nothing more.
-Phasma had less screen time than she did in the last movie, and before we know it, she dies. Complete throwaway antagonist.
-Snoke was nothing more than a glorified plot device for furthering Kylo Ren's descent to the dark side. We barely knew anything about him, how he surfaced, how he assembled The First Order, why he was so obsessed with finding Luke and destroying the Jedi, nor does it leave any reason for us to care after his anticlimactic death. He was just some disgruntled pasty Goldmember-looking guy with leprosy and nothing more. Wasted antagonist.
-Hux is still a whiney little bitch.
-The Knights of Ren must've been retconned and replaced by Snoke's toy-looking praetorian guards, I guess.
-The entirety of the film takes place in under a single day. Other Star Wars films at least took place over a number of days, weeks, or months with yearly time gaps between each film. TLJ picks up right where TFA left off with minimal time to ease in, and some of the events almost seem like they play out of order.
-The porgs were distracting and unnecessary (obvious merchandise pushing).
-The back-and-forth telepathy between Rey and Kylo went from somewhat intriguing to annoying to pretentious.
-Say what you will about Luke's character in this film, but I didn't like it one bit. There are many right ways to turn a developed character into disgruntled old timer with past issues that they could overcome eventually. That being said, Luke was reduced into a cowardly asshole right up to the end. He acts dumbfounded when he asks how they traced him to the planet he was hiding on
which directly conflicts with the subplot of Luke intentionally leaving behind the map to his location which was the very point of TFA. It's essentially mostly his fault that Kylo turned to the dark side by hastily rushing to kill him but gets caught in the act despite having second thoughts, his fault that he lost the Jedi Academy, his fault that most of the Resistance is in disorder, and instead of actually showing up
in the flesh at the film's climax, he's just astral projecting himself from the planet he's hiding on without having the balls to confront his nephew directly just for the sake of spiting him (which may actually even further his push towards the dark side now. Thanks Luke, you fucking idiot. I'm sure your sister and Han are proud). And then, he dies like Yoda. Felt unearned and mostly "meh." It's inconsistent with his established progression from the OT and felt like a betrayal.
-The entirety of the final sequence on the mineral planet felt kinda like a dull reimagining of the Battle of Hoth, but instead of snow, it's salt and a "battering ram cannon".
-I'm still baffled by how every accomplishment from the OT was mostly rendered pointless since TFA and TLJ essentially dismantled everything back to square one. What was won is now lost, and we've got the Resistance being even weaker than the Rebels & The First Order being more powerful despite being smaller than the Empire. Where the hell's the rest of the rebuilt Republic? How expansive is The First Order exactly? All of it is too ridiculous to believe considering it's a follow up to the Original Trilogy in a span of 30 years.
-I get what the film's message was trying to be, "Kill the past" and whatever, but it felt too weak and misplaced. You've got people arguing that the message meant "wiping the slate clean and forgetting the old Star Wars lore", but that defence reminded me of how Prequel apologists wanted to excuse that trilogy's numerous missteps.
There's more to say, but in all seriousness, this film killed any slightest remaining interest I had for Episode 9, especially with Jew Jew Abrams back at the helm and Kathleen Kennedy's "prophetic" vision of the future of the franchise ("The Force is Female" and all that virtue signaling bullshit). The Last Jedi was bland and unrealized with very retarded decisions in the narrative. Not that I had much faith with this trilogy, but I'm curious as to what Rian Johnson's original vision for this film actually was, because it clearly didn't involve Snoke, Phasma, or recycling the Rebels vs. Empire plot again. Like Poonoo mentioned, something clashed between his early draft and Abram's recycled trash from the TFA that didn't mesh well, so he must've had to work with what he was given while also giving the middle finger to the last movie. One way or another, Episode 9's gonna go back to playing it safe knowing JJ, and it'll suck ass but mostly be overpraised by shills and plebs as expected. Time will tell eventually, but I'm exhausted.
